Tough Actin', Tinactin

Madden

I'll start 'er off with the Great, Bill Belichick who does an incredible job speaking about Mr. John Madden:

But personally speaking .. it's tough to imagine my entire life of NFL Fandom without that god damn John Madden guy.

Despite the contenders during its days:

• NFL Gameday
• Quarterback Club
• Tecmo Bowl
• NFL 2K (...this actually hurts ..)

Madden became the absolute authority in NFL video games. Yeah, that shit got ruined when the NFL approached EA with an exclusivity deal when 2K started offering their games at like $35. The Shield thought it would ruin their image to sell a cheaper game.

Anyway, politics and money aside, those Madden games were fucking awesome on those next-gen systems. I couldn't get enough on my PS2. Franchise mode. Training camp. Madden cards (that didn't cost fucking money). So much awesome shit.

NFL Films and Howard Cosell did a remarkable job with promoting the NFL to the general public. They helped grow the game tremendously - especially the mythology and legends - but there seriously isn't anything to compare when you think of the number of people who tuned into premiere games called by John Madden or fuckin played the god damn video game with his name on it in their spare time.

This current generation of NFL player played Madden growing up. Shit, on Pardon My Take, PFTCommenter suggested renaming the NFL to Madden,

"You gonna watch Madden on Sunday?"

"Yeah, where you catching Madden?"

"I got tickets to catch that Madden game."

Fuckin rolls right off the tongue. For an internet personality, his genious seriously rivals the likes of dril.

Sucks to see him go. But I can't wait to catch that documentary in January.

Games

So this week I paid even less attention than usual, and it's real tough given that this new 18 week season is fucking up my whole traditional end-of-season apathy. Combine that with the late start, and my usual Holiday Apathy is completely butt-fucking the playoffs of our fantasy league.

Best of luck getting a final column out of me next week. You may never hear from me again .. until draft day.

9ers at Titans

Rams at Vikes

I think the biggest takeaway is for Browns fans: you can, in fact, throw three interceptions and win a game.

..of course that still means Baker has to throw fewer than four interceptions..

But good news is good news.

Bills at Pats

Didn't watch any of this game.

And boy oh boy, am I happy I didn't. According to the slack channel at work for Patriots banter, it was nothing but disappointing defensive plays all game long, which is a nice area to build on after the complete horseshit offensive performance against the Colts.

Now, the Patriots are a fuckin 6th seed after owning the 1st seed two weeks ago. The fuck is this god damn season? Why couldn't we have just ended this NFL season after 14 fucking games. Now we have 3 more fucking weeks to watch the Dolphins god damn end the New England season.

Why the fuck can't this team and us fans catch a break?

Buccs at Panthers

Did some magical wish wear out and turn Gronk's hands into cinderblocks??

Kind of weird to come to terms that Gronk has trouble handling tiddies.

Jags at Jets

Jags can't fucking beat anyone or anything. Their last two opponents were literally fielding players from Bishop Sycamore because their Covid lists were too large to officially field a team!

I wish I knew of the existence of Jaguars fans - because I'd love to contact one and ask about their opinions on the future of the franchise.

Lions at Falcons

I can't tell if the Lions out-Falconed the Falcons.

Or if the Falcons did their best Lions but ultimately failed.

Charge at Texans

Weren't the Chargers one of the "good" teams this season?

Ooooh, I think our opinions were completely buggered by their 4-1 start to the regular season. Thankfully, water returned to its natural level with losses to Broncos (that made sure San Diego didn't go 4-0 during a 4 week stretch) and to the Texans, which officially marked the end of the Charge's season.

Good luck next year, Sherbert!

Ravens at Bengals

Joe Burrow went,

37/46 (80% completion rate) for 525 passing yards, 4 touchdowns, 0 picks and a 12 yard run.

4th best QB performance in NFL history. I assume that means yards. Whoa.

Ravens got absolutely shitpumped by the Bengals this season.

Giants at Eagles

Bears at Seahawks

I hear the Seahawks were an inconsistent roller coaster of a team this season. May God have mercy on the collective arteries of those pacific northwest (and transplant) fans.

Steelers at Chiefs

Broncos at Raiders

Washington "Football" Team at Cowboys

They do not deserve that name. That was not a football team. That was an atrocity.

Dolphins at Saints

Man. Fuck the Dolphins. So hard.

Round 2 (part 1 of 2) Recaps

102.82 (11-3) Everywhere Roll Tide

91.96 (13-1) Australian SteveIrwins

What a fuckin Part 1 of 2. Still easily anyone's matchup, although them SteveIrwins are going to have to deal with some questionable injuries to Gibson and Hurts - and the on top of that, figure out what to fucking do with D'Andre (zero points, but no injury? what the fuck??) as well as this mashup of receivers:

Clowntonio Brown - who fucking knows if he'll even exist in our reality come week 17.

Amon-Ra St. Brown - fuckin start this no-name receiver on the Lions during the fantasy championships. I fucking dare you.

At least you got Jonathan Taylor doing his best to hold the roster together,

Everywhere Roll Tide is in pretty fucking good shape. Really his only worry would be that no weird bullshit happens with his Running Backs. Sure, he's got Freeman as an extra-extra, but there ain't no guarantees this fucking season.

..Unless you make the Covid list. In which case, all us fans fucking suffer because the product is a pile of horseshit.

Fin.

Here we fuckin' go! Two-oh-two-two comin' in hot, and after 2021 who the fuck knows what we got in store.

But I'd say stay safe n shit. Don't go gettin' that Omicron bullshit .. although everyone seems to be catching it here in Bostontown.

https://i.imgur.com/3CTNBVS.jpg