Fantasy Football: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems

Vikes @ LAClippers We begin our recap between the battle for that one chick fan who seems kinda cool, Yeah, that's the one! What started with so much promise, actually never started at all because this game in all reality could have been dressed in a colonial rayadillo uniform

Post title

Sorry for bein so late with the column. Stupid god damn Amazon goes down and it keeps me from being able to do fucking do anything. I couldn't drink water, I couldn't watch any god damn TV, I couldn't cook anything on my grill,

The Power of Friendship

WE GOING IN DRY FOLKS, NO FOREPLAY THIS COLUMN, Broncos @ Jets OK. How are these games not starting an international incident? I'm so fucking happy I don't a shit about the London game at all whatsoever. Like, who the fuck gets up for this shit? I&

Trying is the first step towards failure

Hey hey party people! So this week, fuck going over all the games - I ain't got that kind of time, so instead I'm going to just free-flow a bunch of garbage and still end up with some behemoth 1,500+ word shitshow of a column.

Folks, when you're right 52% of the time you're wrong 48% of the time

Let's talk football. But first, time to get into the mood: Rainy City Bitch Pigeons @ Cards What in the doodoo-batter-splatter were those Cardinals Jerseys? Now, I consider myself a huge fan of a nice clean jersey, and those fuckers weren't clean whatsoever - by design. Endzones

Is it week 4 already??

Oh shit, are you all still here? My bad, I guess I did say I'd be back after a couple weeks so here I am. Uhh, well you're definitely not going to get any sort of recap of NFL games like I've done in

Somehow, Joe has returned

Rachel, if this is you the don't worry - I'm not going to start my column back up again and totally disregard taking care of our house, working my job, and helping to raise our child. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Rest of league, helloooooo! Buckle up, buckaroos - the boy

A new season has entered the chat

Welcome welcome welcome! It's time to kick off the 2024 Fantasy Football Season and boy oh boy is this year going to be fucking full of exhausting surprises both on and off the football field. We've got a new kickoff rule that I don't

When they became the Greatriots

I couldn't help it. I wish I could quit you, my link-aggregating habit, but there's just no way. With Belichick getting shit-canned by Robert "rub-n-tug" Kraft, and so many memories flowing back from those early 2000s, I had to post something. I'm

You might remember me from other columns like, "I haven't slept in days," "is there a chance the defense could bend," and "Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius"

TWO OH TWO FOUR I dunno about you fuckers, but I spent this New Year's Eve at home: Playing some Splendor. Drinking local brews (love me some Juice Bag). Eating home made pizza. And that's how I likes it. Not to say that I'm

A holiday feast of microwaved dog poop, but with words

So many incredible games over so many days. It was pretty awesome. I caught most of the Thursday game which felt like it took place two weeks ago, and then a bunch of the Saturday games in between scrambling for last minute Christmas purchases and shit. Then came Saturday where

Should have been dead on a Sunday morning banging my head

Welp. I was hoping that this Holiday column would be absolutely packed with news and memery from week 15 in the NFL, but unfortunately that piece of shit storm that hit the Northeast on Monday completely obliterated our internet and Comcast has done fuck-all to fix any of it. Going