These are hard to come up with

The Greatriots Rise

INSUFFERABLE LEVELS ARE RISING TO UNSUSTAINABLE LEVELS

Let's fuckin gooooo. A little messy of a game, but who doesn't enjoy a little slop?? A win is a win!

¡Dios Mio, Los Delfines!

Me? Tune in to a 930am game to watch these two fuckin teams??

Carolina Cats

I honestly can't fucking tell if I should give a shit about either of these two teams. The Falcons are just a frustratingly inconsistent team that's loaded with incredible talent between Bijan al-Gaib, Drake "some great britain joke" London, and Kyle "do we care about" Pitts.

But those Panthers? Maybe...

Blue Cows Ride On

This asshole runs for 3 tiddies, tosses 3 tiddies, and has a couple of the worst interceptions possible. Josh Allen is a fuck riddle wrapped in an enigma with a rocket arm and built like a tank.

Ewwwww, who fuckin cares

Blackout Bears

THE BEARS ARE IN FIRST PLACE???

Holy shit, poor Vikings fans. You had Sam Darnold and Kirk Cousins, and while they aren't exactly world beaters, they were consistent enough to grab a bunch of dubs for the team.

Unlike JJ AKA Nine. He stinky doo doo.

Packpackpackpack

Ahhh. Hmm. I guess the better team won, but god damn did I really wish I could have witnessed a Jameis win.

Instead, we got a quintessential Jameis loss.

I'm struggling to find any sort of memery because any/all NFC East content are complaints about motherfucking Kevin Patullo. I didn't even fucking know that human existed.

A Second Spitter

I ain't sharing the video of Chase, because holy shit he hokked up a loog like I've never seen. God damn nasty shit.

So instead, I'm going to just show a dramatization of Mr. Washington going H.A.M. on the Bengals D,

So Bengals, how's the outlook for the rest of the season look?

God Loves Jags

Sham Darnold

Stick to baseball, Cards

I ain't got shit for this one. Who fucking cares. It's the NFC West. Those teams are so fucking far from me. East Coast bias for life.

Shadeur Legacy Game

Shadeur is most likely starting in week 12 and will be the 42nd fucking quarterback starting for the Browns since 1999. That's 2.6 QBs per season making a start for the Browns - and that's with four seasons with fucking Baker Mayfield. Although he missed 3 starts in his rookie year and 2 starts in his fourth year.

I refuse to Bo-Lieve

Oh shit, the Broncos won?

I hate the Broncos, and them losing would help the Patriots' AFC seeding. But also any loss for the Chiefs helps the Belichick/Brady legacy. I honestly was in a real tough spot for this game, I hope you all can understand that I'm feeling a bit emotional now.

OK, that feeling is over, time to rag on the dipshit Chiefs,

IGGLES FLIGH HI

So, I do my best to follow the NFL as a whole, but it's really not my job or significant [matt] forté since you know, I'm a dad of one, a job-haver, suffering from a crippling Fabergé egg addiction, while waffling between pride and regret being a homeowner.

So as part of my ever-learning experience, I've learned about a Mr. Kevin Patullo.

How?

Through memery, of course,

And how are Eagles fans handling being 8-2 and #1 in the NFC?

Some would say there are two types of Eagles fans:

And don't think the Lions will get out of this recap portion with just a loss on their record. Those motherfuckers shatted the bed with such a fury, the fans of the Motor City had their dongs spinning like the wildest lemon party you'd ever seen.

Dem Boys

I do not fuckin care about this snooze-fest.

Recapulations

I realize I make some excuse every week, but once again I ain't got a ton of time to put shit together - but I can't possibly leave y'all hanging. That would just be outright rude.

W (4-7) San Diego ICE ICE Babies
L (5-6) Sunstroke Serenaders

The fuckin Babies strike from the dead!

I really need to watch this movie.

L (5-6) Roll Tide
W (6-5) The OG Name Changing Team

You know. Some would call the real OG Name Changing Team, the J-man. And yes, I know Nazareth ain't play nobody, but on this week, they beat 'Bama

I hope you enjoy the feast of kings followed by a dessert I believe is right up your alley, The OG Name Changing Team,

W (6-5) Ceedeez nutz
L (8-3) I'm Thinkin' RBs

This one is tough to interpret, and while I'd love to just post a photo of some hairy bawls, I think that's they're beneath me.

So instead, I'm going to congratulation Ceedeez on an outstanding performance taking down the #1 team in the league,

You took him down like a pizza eating alligator.

Just tossed them a loss.

W (3-8) Australian Heath Ledgers
L (6-5) Yes this is the OG team

Welp. I'm going to struggle with this one.

I definitely had something if we had the second OG team win, but that didn't happen. So instead I'm going to slap in some mother.

fucking.

D A N K M U S

I'm almost certain I've posted one of these before - but you know what, if I could post reruns I totally would. So consider this me living out my dream of syndication.

Also, they're fuckin bangers.

L (7-4) The Super Wicked Problems
W (5-6) Neon Dion DeSantis

I just wanted to say thank you to the Double Agent Chargers for tagging The Super Wicked Problems for 1.0 points and handing me the win, and keeping my 20% playoff chances alive.

In honor of my insane strategy that was purely more luck than brains, I shall be celebrating.

Fin.

One more week behind us, and we are that much closer to the end of yet another regular season.

But also, one more week closer to the start of the mother. fuckin. playoffs.

Awwwwww
Yisssss

I almost can't fuckin believe it, this time just kinda god damn flies by. It seemed like just yesterday the Patriots fuckin sucked, losing to the god damn Raiders and then fumbling 18 times against the Steelers. Now Drake Maye's all grown up, Cardi B is the Patriots first lady, Jayden Daniels looks to be the third best QB drafted last year, Bo Nix is the new Tebow, and still no one remembers the Titans.

As excited as I am to see what 2026 brings, I truly can not wait to first see what's in store for the rest of this year. We don't have all that much time left with Thanksgiving right around the corner and Joe Burrow returning to save the late game. Soon, we'll be getting Saturday NFL, and then before you know it, the NBA starts up and just as time continues to chug on, so does the sporting seasons.

Good luck in week 12 everyone - see y'all at this same time and place for some semblance of a column before/on/after Thanksgiving. God knows what it'll look like, maybe it'll be a sentence, maybe just a random video, but content is content.

Take care everyone, stay safe, and stay warm .. or cool.. whatever you want, I'm not your dad.