Say Pizza to Drugs

In College I Studied Abroad or Two

Big fan of that NFL Europe thing. I loved the Amsterdam Admirals, perfect team to play against so I could earn the maximum amount of Madden Cards as I could.

But I guess Germany has better singers or some shit,

POLITICS

NFL

Falcons @ Panthers

I liked the move better when it was called a "Slip 'n Slide" in NBA Street Vol. 2.

Seefalken @ Freibeuter

Definitely up there when it comes to United States invasions of Germany. Easily in the top 3.

GAME OF THE FUCKING YEAR: Vikes @ Bills

What an incredible demonstration of how fucking cursed these two franchises are. Both are 0-4 in Super Bowls, and were dominant during their respective eras when they made the big game.

I swear to God that at the very end of regulation when Kirk didn't end up converting on that Goalline 4th down QB sneak, the Bills were all like "oh, you think you're fucking cursed? We lost four Super Bowls in a fucking row" then proceeded to,

Run from it, dread it, destiny comes all the same. And the Bills are destined to literally kill their own fans.

But not before allowing some incredible highlights! ..From wide receivers!

Holy butt pucker.

Can't wait for the power rankings!

Lions @ Daaaaa Brrrrs

What the fuck is going on with the Lions, and as part of a larger discussion, the NFC North??

Lions were an OT away from being in second fucking place at 3-6. They have an actual winning streak. I hope their fans remembered that is cause for celebration - it's been quite a long time, so I'm sure they most likely forgot what to do.

Bears have themselves yet another incredible win. Justin Fields has like, a pack of dawgs in him, and that QB is turning the Bears into a must-see TV event the likes of which we haven't seen since Tony Kornheiser was on Monday Night Football.

To have a franchise QB like that while not really caring about the season as a whole must be a very different and weird feeling for Bears fans - and it's only going to get better if they can overcome two truly awful franchises in Houston and Vegas, and get that inside track for Wembanyama and that 2023 first overall pick.

Deshaun Watson sexually assaulted 25+ women @ Phins

What the fuck. So do the Dolphins have a consistent team now? Their offense can score points. They just picked up a deadline-beating Chubb. The fuck. I don't want to deal with a relevant Miami team. They blew it with Marino, but I doubt they'll make those same idiotic, Schula-inspired, cocaine-driven, Dolphin dipshit moves.

Let that coaching carousel keeeeeeep going.

Donkeys @ Titans

Russell Wilson. Done? Well done? Charred?

It's week 10 and he looks fucking awful.

It's great, isn't it? Just wonderful. And I can't wait for the Broncos to do the wrong thing with Hackett.

Tejans @ Gigantes

So here's my theory on the Texans:

There is no heaven or hell that is mutually exclusive to the current reality we inhabit. What that means, is that we all exist on the same plane/in the same universe as those who have passed and now are bound by Heaven and/or Hell.

Why do I say this? Because you can't convince me that Texans fans are simply the eternally damned. Being forced to watch whatever you want to call this team every weekend is easily one of the worst punishments any human would have to suffer - and it'd make total sense that the eternal punishment for sinful behavior would be to watch this absolutely horrific franchise.

Ever since their inception with PTSDavid Carr this franchise is simply a conduit for Hellfire and Brimstone.

And look at that! Hell got itself a new wide receiver in Kenny Dropallday,

Giants at 7-2 are just another awful team at the top, just like the 8-1 Vikings.

So much trash at the top of the NFL standings. Pretty incredible.

Jiggies @ Chefs

JuJu ded.

RIP

By the way, you see that Jefferson catch?

SAin'ts @ Steeeers

Baltimore has Ravens.

Atlanta has Hawks.

'Zona has them Cardinals.

And Pittsburg has,,,

Lolts @ HOLY FUCKING SHIT HOW DOES MCDANIELS HAVE A JOB?

Carsd @ Rims

Lakers 🤝 Rams

Being shit after winning a title

'Boys @ Packpackpack

I should have absolutely obliterated my pocketbook betting on the Packers when news came out about McCarthy arriving at the stadium wearing a Lombardi-esque trench coat.

Finally. McCarthy coaches the Packers to a win.

Charge. @ 9ers

I refuse to believe anyone can accurate declare Jimmy G a good or bad quarterback.

For example, Jimmy GQ is 10-2 when throwing zero touchdowns.

You better watch the fuck out. Jimmy Guapolo is comin to Mexico City next.

Commodes @ Boids

And if that wasn't enough,

RECAPS!!!

W - 87.1 (3-7) Sunstroke Serenaders

L - 70.84 (4-6) Australian SteveIrwins

Great time for CeeDee to have his best game of the season. That's for fuckin sure.

Pulled a dub from the upper-ankle area of Cooper Kupp "the balls". It's gonna fucking suck shit continuing on without that scrappy, first-in last-out, lunchpail, cracka-assed cracka. At least you're 3-7. Low stress.

Justin Fields sure is fuckin wild as of late. What isn't wild: the rest of the offensive skill positions in regards to fantasy output. No one fucking knows who the fucking hellshit is getting the rock on any given night. God damn crapshoot.

W - 92.5 (3-7) Soft Tissue Fake Smallpox

L - 56.36 (4-6) Deep Tissue Illuminati

Name game: ON POINT.
Week 11 win: GOTTEN.
Hotel: Trivago.

Didn't take much to win it, while small that Soft Tissue disease,

Fuckin TuAnon and his crazy Christian cohort(s) could have had JFK Jr. starting at Tight End and still prevented the Deep Tissue Illuminati Deep State Reverse Vampires from rigging the win.

L - 70.98 (5-5) The Super Wicked Problems

W - 88.54 (6-4) It's a Tide Ad

Hmm. Uhm. God damn man. A matchup with Kirk Cousins vs. Marcus Mariota is exactly what you would think it is.

Sorry fellers. I guess it could have been fairly exciting depending on the timing of the games and all that theoretical bullshit, you know, postulates and such. But fuck if I'm going to rewind the tape and figure that shit out.

Congrats on getting over .500 to the tv meme team.

W - 95.64 (6-4) I'm Thinkin' RBs

L - 80.1 (6-4) The Koi Pond

The Civil War takes place (second one after Jasper Civil War, obviously) and while it isn't significant enough to warrant a photoshop (I'll come up with one later or some shit), it's still a battle between uhh two men who hmm.

BETWEEN TWO METS FANS. A BATTLE.

TO THE DEATH

of their week 11 matchup.

The result this week really comes down to a couple things. Those aforementioned things are as such:

• Josh Allen was a bitch.
• Alvin "there's no way they got all that on" Kamara remains a violent bitch.
• Jeff Wilson Jr. was a benched 😙👌.

Simple as that. I'm Thinkin' RBs was able to leave a shitload of points on his bench and still get that win. Fuckin DOMINATION.

L - 77.7 (2-8) That's a Paddlin'

W - 128.08 (7-3) San Diego Loud-N-Stroud

Gosh darn, that there *BYE* week really kinda fucked up that Paddlin' guy. I mean, so did the Loud-N-Stroud. Especially with mother fuckin Justin Fields shittin' out 39 points. Jesus fuckin Hell. Love seeing a god damn fucking BEARS quarterback starting over Aaron motherfucking Rodgers.

W - 98.48 (9-1) Shelbyville Shelbyvillian

L - 85.04 (5-5) Everywhere Roll Tide

I have to say, this was a battle I was absolutely terrified about, and for good reason. Don't let a 13 point win fool you, this was easily the tougher test that the Shelbyvillians have had since that law where you can't marry your cousins.

Patrick Mahomes, Derrick Henry, Tony Pollard, DK Metcalf. These are players you think of when you are asked to name players in the NFL to think of.

Not Chase Claypool because again: this Bears offense is confusing as fuck. I'm so happy that at least I had,

But yeah. Super psyched that I could rely on the always awesome member of the Wolfpack,

Love me some Brisskett.

Anyway. What the fuck was I talking about?

Oh right. Everywhere Roll Tide got absolutely, utterly,

,,,

beat.

Fin.

Ahh shit.

Power rankings..

I definitely forgot about those.

Maybe I'll try a second post this week or something. I didn't really want to just blow that shit off because they are really fun to write .. and I'd be the undisputed number one..

Oh fuck. And that timezone survey. Jesus fucking hell. Too much content to share, not enough time to proofread it so it's not just 1000 words of vomit.

Well, I'll figure something out somehow. Until then, let's just wish each other good luck for week 12. The final week before we really start getting knuckle-deep into the holiday season.

So with that, much love to you dudes (and I believe one co-owning dudette). Really hoping everyone has themselves a wonderful week, if you're in the Northeast I hope you got to enjoy some of that dusting last night before the freezing rain took a dump in our shoes!

Take care everybody!