Post that I swear to name later
L (7-3) The Super Wicked Problems
W (3-7) San Diego ICE ICE Babies
Con-fuckin-gratulations to them Chilly Infants cunts.
What a weekend of major upsets, so let's start off with this bugger. Sure, Jalen Hurts didn't do much of shit, but gahd dayum if TreVeyon and Dowdle didn't fuck around and blast The Super Wicked Problems in the ass with their outstanding running back play.
ICE ICE Babies got just enough to squelch the revolution of Bijan al-Gaib, and even with Kyren Williams just following orders, it was just too much to overcome.
W (5-5) Sunstroke Serenaders
L (5-5) Ceedeez nutz
Sometimes I look over these boxscores and wonder how the fuck do they even add up to these totals. Math is such a fickle god damn bitch.
And while I guess my aesthetically-driven opinions are fucking dumb as Jeffrey Epstein was illiterate, Sunstroke Serenaders winning does make sense to me since he had three players in double digits.
On the other side, you had Ceedeez nutz with only two players in double digits. So ipso facto, of course The Strokes won this matchup.
Yes, this is some incredible analytics - which requires you to ignore that the 39.5 total points from the double-digit players on Sunstroke was actually fewer than the 41.28 from the double-digit players on Look at my Testicles.
W (5-5) The OG Name Changing Team
L (6-4) Yes this is the OG team
Holy shit. Now that's what I call the game of the week!
The OG Name Changing Team lept into a seemingly insurmountable lead early on Sunday with yet another god damn fucking incredible performance from Jonathan Taylor. It's fucking nuts seeing the numbers that bad larry is putting up.
But thanks to a slight misstep in starting Slumpercito over Breece's Pieces, The OG - or should I say, der Anfürer - I'm sure that sphincter got real tight while Llamar, Biggs, Waddle, and Egbuka started to chop away at that lead like a lumberjack and he's OK, he sleeps all night, and works all day. He cuts down trees, and eats his lunch, then goes to the lavatory, on Wednesdays he goes shopping, and has buttered scones for tea.
He's a lumberjack and he's OK
He sleeps all night and works all day!
I cut down trees. I skip and jump
I like to press wild flowers
I put on women's clothing
And hang around in bars!
..oh wait sorry, I got distracted.
Anyway, the lead kept getting smaller and smaller until that game we apparently wait all Sunday for: SUNDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL.
Thanks to Justin motherfuckin Herbert and Kimani Vidal Sassoon, The OG Name Changing Team got his flow back and while he jumped out to a decent lead, it ultimately came down to Monday fuckin Night and The Quadfather going for Yes this is the OG team.
Unfortunately, Saquads just couldn't quite powerlift the roster to victory, meaning it was nothing but disappointment for who turned out to be the Faux-G team.
L (8-2) I'm Thinkin' RBs
W (2-8) Australian Heath Ledgers
You know, when you win 80% of the time, that just means you lose 20% of the time - and boy oh boy, was this an absolutely fantastical loss holy shit. My man in first place almost got god damn doubled up.
It's almost like Australian Heath Ledgers spent the first 9 weeks just charging himself up, edging week to week, pulling themselves up by their bootstraps, oiling up a couple asses, and doing a little plowing of their own.
These are moments where sure, the fantasy season may be over for some of us, but the gratification of getting a sweet fucking win against a top tier team is so fucking satisfying.
I don't want to say that fantasy football is just delicious junk food for sociopaths, but since only one person ultimately ever wins, I'd like to think that everyone else has their happiest moments throughout the regular and postseason when they've ruined another person's week.
L (4-6) Neon Dion DeSantis
W (5-5) Roll Tide
I know I wouldn't have fucking won anyway (I think..) but I don't know why I keep starting that Jacory asshole,,
But enough about me and how fucking shit I am at this, Roll Tide played like his Quarterback: down to his competition and somehow scraped together a win despite all evidence to the contrary. Despite the absolute stinkers in his roster, there was enough hero ball from motherfuckers like the Broncos (absolute motherfucker) and Tyler Loop "de loop".
Congrats, you dick.
I remember being .500 before, probably never will be for the rest of the season. Treasure that shit, and I hope you make a run for a couple more wins.
Fin
Welp, there we have it folks. Yeah I know, this was a lot more lean cuisine than the usual fat-fucker affairs, but guess what: you'll get over it, just like what I don't let me daughter crawl into the oven like she wants to so very badly.
Holy shit, we're already halfway through November. And this is one of those fuckin steamroll holiday seasons, too. Thanksgiving comes fairly late in November which means one of the fewest number of days before Christmas rolls around and jams us in the face.
So what I'm trying to say is: take care, I hope you get to enjoy this time of year, and make sure your plans are ironclad and bulletproof because before you know it we'll all be waking up and it'll be god damn 2026. What a fuckin weird god damn year to type.
Good luck this week, go Patriots - oh wait, they ALREADY GOT THEIR LEAGUE-BEST NINTH FUCKIN WIN AWW YEA - and hope everyone has a nice and competitive matchup, unless you're going against me, in which case I hope you lose by 100 points.
Love you guys.
