NFL stuffs

So like,,, I'm writing this as of approximately [checks watch] 6:41 am sooooooo... yeah.

You ain't gettin' SHIT. Maybe next week when I have fewer matchups to cover.

..

Oh who am I kidding, I can at least post a handful of bullshit memery I've collected.

NFC South

What a dogshit division, good fuckin god.

Speaking of dogshit quality NFL stuff

Thoughts and prayers for anyone cursed with that game on TV.

How about that Chiefs ending huh?

Wild shit.

Something something something Bills 9/11

You know, at first I didn't believe that news story about Sean McDermott's speech about communication and using the 9/11 hijackers as an example.

But I'm glad it's real because it proves AI doesn't stand a fucking chance in this World.

🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌 AYOOOOOOO 🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌

🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌

🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌

Round One

Well. This shit is still on-going, so I don't really know what to say that won't be used against me later. So I guess,,

BUT BEFORE THAT,

Unlike last year, I found some extra time to put together this year's Playoff bracket:

https://i.imgur.com/rWrtLVC.png

Print it out, mark it up, enjoy it fully!

56.14 - Australian Heath Ledgers

89.14 - The Koi Pond

Shit don't fuckin look good for the Jokah from Down Undah. Scoring 30 fucking points fewer than projected is not where one wants to be going into the back-9 of a two week matchup. But I guess if you shitted your pants one week, who's to say that The Koi Pond won't find himself knee-deep in shit himself, right?

I mean, he doesn't have that fucking Gabe Davis asshole who can't get out of his own god damn way. And he also doesn't have that fraudulent T. Hill.

Although he does have a floundering Jared Goof - the motherfucker just lost to the fucking Bears and seems to be faltering on his way to the postseason in fucking real life.

What's gonna happen in the second half of this matchup? I don't fuckin know, but seeing two Empty roster slots on the The Koi Pond side definitely won't help secure the win.

84.54 - I'm Thinkin' RBs

79.70 - Sunstroke Serenaders

Now this is what I call a fuckin close matchup.

Both teams had themselves a solid week despite injuries kinda fuckin up their chances for the second half:

De'Von Achane is back out, right? I can't fuckin tell what the dude's problem is but a lingering knee injury is a no no for a running back that relies on cutting and speed.

Then you have Nico "No Show" Collins who's got himself a hurt calf. No fuckin clue if there are drugs strong enough to numb a pretty essential body part of a fucking speedster wide receiver. Speaking as a mere mortal of a human being, a bum-calf is such a fucking obnoxious injury to deal with if you can't warm it up to be able to get out and move around.

So. What's the NFL week 15 implication?

With Llamar Jackson finding himself a reliable source of Imodium, I'd be pretty worried about him - especially with the Ravens going against the sad-sack-of-shit Jags.

Plus you really gotta fuckin be wary of TuAnon and Mustard in their matchup vs. the Jets. A division game, where the Jets have initiated Super Spark Zach Wilson, and would fucking LOOOVE spoiling the Dolphins season some more, that is a fucking dangerous game for those two players.

The Dolphins December collapse is fucking real, just like Sasquatch, the Bermuda Triangle, and Taylor Swift.

TIME TO BUCKLE UP, SET THOSE LINEUPS AND RIDE THOSE ROSTERS

Fin.

Oh my Gosh. What do we have left? Like 3 more weeks? God damn, where does the time go? It's been a fuckin fun season this year and I'm really excited by the fact that I didn't have to take any bye weeks, so my Iron-Man streak begins anew and carried me throughout a full season.

But 2023 ain't over yet. We still got time to cherish our moments together, and I want to get this wholesome circlejerk started by lettin y'all know I can't possibly stress enough how much I appreciate you making it this far in each of these columns. It's positively a joy to write these, and the amount of catharsis I get to experience by just turning off reality and cookin' with text is just ..

Well. It's just great.

And of course: Hope everyone's enjoying the happiest of holiday seasons!

That's right. It's a double-feature this week!

Oh fuck it, WE'RE GOING THREE-WIDE TODAY.

Much love to you all, my dudes.