I'm Thinkin' Dynasty

Christmas Cowboys

I heard somewhere that the fucking Commanders have had eight total standalone games. What an absolute fuckin dumpster fire of a god damn schedule. Jayden gets hurt, and it surprisingly turns out that this Washington team fucking sucks.

..but not as much as being a Washington fan. Holy shit.

At least they enjoyed a solid Christmas meal afterwards,,,

Holly Jolly Vikings

Speaking of long-suffering fandoms. The fuckin Lions. Yikes.

Now, I don't think their window is completely closed, but holy shit what an absolute fall from grace after losing their offensive and defensive coordinators.

Kinda fuckin wild given that the expected result for the Lions is actually to do well compared to the olden days of them going 0-16 and being more inept than our current administration.

Have fun in week 18!

Donkey punchers

Fuck these stupid god damn Denver dipshits. Was it too much to ask for the first time I've found myself rooting for the Chefs for them to win? On Christmas?

BUT NO. Fucking Broncos had to keep their stranglehold on the god damn #1 seed and that precious, precious bye.

Congrats to your asshole fans.

Same ol' Chargers

You know.

There are some rather unfortunate fandoms out there.

You have the Browns. The Jets. The aforementioned Commanders and Lions .. Shit, even the Bengals or Titans, but I don't think any fucking fandom is a more tortured and pained group than Chargers fans. As soon as it became apparent that the Chargers may have a chance to mount a comeback, I just knew that not only would it fail, but it would fail in epic proportions.

The Chargers disappoint their fans in such incredibly painful ways, and they are a fucking good team. Historically, they've had incredible players, coaches, and overall history on their side and yet their tradition is to get fully pants - balls out - in front of a national audience routinely.

Like, sure, the Browns and the Lions both have 0-16 seasons under their belt. But the Browns have some incredible history - despite never winning a Super Bowl, they have NFL championships. And even as recently as this passed fucking week, they took out the Steelers and mother fucking Shadeur got himself a win.

The Lions, as tortured as they have been, have sniffed some great success in the postseason. Their days of fan torture are behind them until they lose Dan Campbell and Jared Goff.

The Saints were fucking embarrassing as shit, but Brees and Peyton brought them legitimacy and a Super Bowl. Shit, even this season they've brought out their own motherfougher rookie who has been lighting it up. Gone are the 'Aints and their brown-bag wearing fans.

The Titans get joked about with people "forgetting" them constantly. They've had some absolutely god-awful trash seasons as of late, but even they don't absolutely disappoint their fans in embarrassing ways over the last few decades. Shit, they were one yard short in their only Super Bowl appearance. They've had dominant seasons under their belt. They have the Music City Miracle as a highlight. They may have that snow game against the Patriots where they lost 59-0 but those embarrassments are truly few and far between.

The Commanders? Yeah, they had the Snyder years, but they have three rings, the history of Hogs, and a young stud in Jayden who needs to just get his ass healthy again.

I guess there's the Jets. While they own perhaps the single most important Super Bowl victory in history that legitimized an entire fucking league and allowed the Super Bowl spectacle to continue, it was a looooong time ago. But shit man, as much as Patriots fans like to clown on that franchise, they still fucking owned the Patriots during my lifetime. Those Tuna-Bowl games between Parcells and Carroll were always painful because the Patriots never seemed to deliver a win when they needed it.

The Jets even had those two back-to-back AFC Championship game years with Sexy Rexy.

I know, I know, Woody Johnson (aka Boner Dong) has really kinda fucked up his particular franchise quite a bit, but the Jets can still pull off an upset or come-from-behind victory from time to time. That win right after the tragic passing of their legendary center Nick Mangold was incredible, and something the Chargers would absolutely fuck up.

This is getting a little long-winded, but my point is that everyone should want to play the Chargers in an important game because they will always lose, and they will lose in the most brutal way possible.

Baldimore Shitbirds

Sooooo, this performance kinda solidifies that John Harbaugh had no fucking clue what he was doing against the Patriots. Why the fuck did he ever stop running that big boy? He was acting like this was the asshole carrying the rock against New England,

In all honesty, I think I'm actually a Druski fan

How fucking stupid could John boy be???

He really shouldn't probably be fired, but I wouldn't be surprised if he were

Now that I've shat all over the winning team, let's take a look at the team that actually fuckin lost this matchup. Green Bay fans learned that all good things, eventually come to an end - with some earlier than others.

I don't know what the fuck is going on with Green By, but I find myself laughing quite heartily at their new tradition of being 7th seed merchants. Hey, at least they got themselves yet another Cowboys cast-off,

Wonder how those cheesefucker fans are taking it,,,

Benglols

I mean, who fucking cares.

Shadussy

Hah. Fuckin shit this is funny. Yet another brutally mediocre season that nets only 9 wins by the modern Jeff Fisher,

The fucking dumbass Steelers.

As much as the Browns do not want any sort of adulation or reconition from the shitbirds, Baldimore is going to give it to them irregardless,

What a throwdown

Check out some rare all-22 footage I found of this game:

WE JAGGIN OFF

Oh man. I feel .. bad for them Colts fans .. Things started off so well and then ...

Bucco Fucco

This Jameis Mayfield guy is absolutely blowing it for the Buccaneers.

And now the absolute clown show of a division (NFC South) might end up being decided by two teams not even in playoff contention. What the ever-loving fuck is that all about??

THESE ARE THE FUCKING TEAMS THAT MIGHT DECIDE THE NFC SOUTH. WHAT THE FUCK.

The sun never sets on Greatriot Nation

Seadonkeys Fly High

All I got for this one is,

The 2025 shitboal

hahahahah bills but also, hahahaha eagles

Yadda yadda, bills ain't kings of the AFC East no more, and now thanks to Drake Maye, since re-alignment, there have only been four quarterbacks to win the AFC East. Four (but all four teams have won it at least once).

And out of all of them, Josh Allen is such a bitch when he begs for the god damn flags like it's a legitimate fucking play,

There's just something about the way people look at that god damn Josh Allen guy. Something about him I just can't quite put my finger on. It's like, let's say, we compare Josh Allen to another comparable quarterback like ohhh Jalen Hurts.

For some reason, there's just some odd difference between the two that drives the narrative so much differently.

Again, I just can't quite put my finger on it.

SPEAKING of the Eagles and their offense, I have to give my condolences,

Normally, I couldn't name an offensive coordinator outside of Josh McDaniels, but this motherfucker just won't stop suckin sweaty balls, and now I have to know this fuckface's name.

Shanahan Masterclass

What a god damn wild game that was so much fun to watch. Never seen two teams have such a hard time deciding who should win,

Classic Stafford

And if you don't like that, you don't like Falcon football.

Championship Recap

L - Optimum Retention Dept
W - I'm Thinkin' RBs 🏆

If we have any sort of concept of Fantasy Football royalty in this league, I'm Thinkin' RBs would be that guy:

• 3 Championships
• 4 Top 3 finishes (not including the 3 championships)

So in the 15 years of our existence, this motherfucker has been in contention for or won a trophy in 7 fucking seasons.

So I'm Thinkin RBs have brought home their third trophy after finishing as the runner up last season, defeating Optimum Retention Dept who actually won in 2023.

It was a pretty fuckin solid matchup, pretty close, and hilariously pathetic in featuring two injured Quarterbacks in Llamar Jackson and Jordan Love for the first week. Although, the two fuckers rebounded quite nicely by grabbing Jameis Mayfield and Jacoby Brisskett.

But really - and I want to give I'm Thinkin' RBs all the credit in the world for winning since he did have to overcome a couple roster issues after week one that had Dekaylin gettin' a sussie and Brock Bowers gettin slapped onto the IR - Optiumum Retention Dept absolutely shit the bed where it mattered most with his skill positions.

It's actually kind of fucking wild how well Optiumum's non RB/WR spots did. The Saints D/ST was outstanding, and Brandon Aubrey is a video game (no, not a character or cheat code - he is a fucking video game, whatever the fuck that means, thank you Aikman), but holy fucking shit all that Retention Dept needed was one of his skill positions to just have a pedestrian game:

• The Quadfather didn't get made, he got got
• Jahmyr Gibbs continued his horrific trend on/off trend at the worst possible time (over the last 5 weeks, odd weeks have seen <10 points of production)
• Jaylen Waddle .. uhh.. I can't think of anything other than he sucked
• Emeka Eggbigboo suc-.. wait, he only had 3.6 projected points?? The fuck? Does he have a broken leg or something?

Yeah anyway, Optimum Retention Dept completely dropped the ball like it was a customer service call demanding a reduction in monthly fees. Bummer.

But enough about the loser, let's talk winners.

And I'm Thinkin' RBs is that dude.

He did just enough to hold off Optimum and capture yet another fuckin championship, absolutely fucking wild.

The only misstep was starting Jacoby over the Concussion Machine in Jaxson Dart, but the roughly 9 points the decision cost didn't matter.

Every little choice worked out (please ignore DJ Moore) - he even chose the right AJ to start (the fuck is up with that - AJ Barner who scored 10.3 points was better than the dotted one, A.J. Brown who only netted 6.8 points ... which honestly has me asking, why is one AJ and the other A.J. ???).

I'm Thinkin' RBs might also be the only team on the planet that isn't suffering from getting Nacua'd. The Rams have been falling flat, there's a team in another league I'm in that lost the championship with Nacua - it's almost like the fantasy football culture that has been cultivated here is for real. Cast-offs and malcontents straighten themselves out to play winning fantasy football.

Fin.

Welp. I'm sad. I'm sad because this is the end of yet another Fantasy Football season, and while I'll be happy to have some time back to get shit done around the house or maybe lose more bullshit games in Rocket League, I won't get a chance to write about timezones, my hatred of cheese, or how the Chargers are the real-life equivalent of the Book of Job.

I hope everyone had a wonderful end of 2025, and don't worry about having some line of resolutions setup, we're still in that transitional period where you will fuck up and write 2025 on checks, or name files with 2025, or generally forget that we've entered a new year. Just do your best, and try to be a better you today than you were yesterday.

And if you can't, then just try not to fuck anything up too badly before the end of the day.

Not sure what this year has in store for us all, but I do know that it's gonna be a completely different me when we meet back up again in August/September. I'll be back on my bottle-feeding bullshit, mastering my skill as a poopsmith, perhaps tossing some talent points in early detection and stoneskin.

So take care all y'all. Hope to maybe even see one or two or eight of you in person to some capacity, and I truly wish you fuckers a happy new year. I know we've all seen quite a few, and with years like "2026" they're only going to get weirder and fuckin weirder to read.