Yeah I ain't got shit to lead off with. Tried to scrape some proverbial shit off my shoe and see if I could get 700-900 words from that, but to no avail.

That, it's the second half of our sprint, and I'm busier than a one-legged man in a shitkickin' contest. I gotta figure out a new deployment pipeline and fucking hell nothing's getting built. One of those next-level situations where it's got me wondering if I'm even good enough to be suffering from Imposter's Syndrome.

NFLAILING

Jaggin Saints

This shoudl have been such a larger asskicking than the 31-24 score shows. The Saints look like absolute fucking garbage. The offense is fucking terrible, and the relationship between Olave and Carr is a disaster.

This fuckin Olave guy literally just fuckin gives up mid-route over and over and over.

..and yet this Saints team fucked up the New England Patriots, 34-0. Jesus.

Only thing more pathetic is Amazon's attempt at being an NFL Broadcaster. Those miserable shitbags completely missed this touchdown celebration live:

COME ON. That's one of the better touchdown celebrations I've seen in like, a fucking decade.

Faders @ Brrs

Holy shit, the Raiders are such a disaster of a franchise. They gave up a win to the god damn Shepherd University legend himself: T-Bag.

When Mark Davis finally has the first opportunity to ditch Snake McDaniels I'm sure he'll leap at it and celebrate like he just won a WNBA championship afterward,

Since cheating his way to a 6-0 record on the Denver Dipshits Broncos, Josh McDaniels has mustered up a 14-32 record across three teams he head coached - one of which he literally didn't work a single fucking day for.

Josh is perhaps the greatest grifter the NFL has ever seen as a head coach.

BOROWNS @ Lolts

Man. The worst person you know just won a game.

I know the rest of America shared the same sentiment as I did when Deshaun was taken out after throwing his second interception,

But fuck. The Colts and Wildman Minshew just couldn't seal the deal against one of the most terrifying fucking defenses in the NFL. I want to root for them so fucking badly, but I just can't. Not with that shithead on the roster.

I mean, LOOK AT THIS SHIT:

What the fuck!? Good fucking god Myles Garrett is terrifying.

Bill's @ Greatriots

GUESS WHO'S BACK?

BACK AGAIN.

THAT'S FUCKING RIGHT. FUCK GETTING GRITTY.

LET'S GET GRIDDY.

That made sense, right!?? Maybe? Probably not.

WHO CARES. LET'S LOOK AT THAT GAME WINNING TIDDIE AGAIN

L O L
O
L

Get fucked, Buffalo.

WE RUN THE AFC BEAST

Commies @ GEEEEEEEEE-Men

Failcons @ Buccaroos

FUCK YOU ARTHUR SMITH. I DON'T FUCKING CARE IF BIJAN HAD MIGRAINES. JUST FUCKING MAKE HIM INACTIVE YOU GOD DAMN NO-CHIN-HAVING PILE OF SHIT. FUCK YOU.

Lions @ Ravens

Lions were so fucking terrible that even Greg Olsen looked fantastic in comparison,

Steeeers @ LARms

LA Rams want to win over the hearts and minds of Los Angeles sports fans by embracing their spirit and only showing up for the first part of games, then checking out before the end.

Cards @ Hawks

Did not fucking care about this whatsoever.

So here, have a pretty funny video:

Super Bowl XXXII Pt. 2

Going from Favre and Rodgers to Jordan Love has to be the worst fucking experience for any Green Bay Packers fan that lives off the deep ball.

What a bunch of fuckin losers.

CHARGE @ Taylor Swift's Boyfriend's Team

Facts:

As a self-described shit-stirrer and habitual line-stepper, I am loving how fucking angry people get over references to Taylor Swift during Chiefs games. She's one of the biggest fucking entertainers on the mother fucking planet and attending games of one of the biggest sports on the mother fucking planet.

No fucking shit people might want to talk about the crossover no one saw coming this season.

MIA @ Philly

I hate the Miami Dolphins. This is probably something I've written about a bunch of fucking times, but when it comes to my personal NFL Franchise hatred rankings, they are the 1b. to the Broncos 1a.

To see them fuckin suck ass like this is just ... wonderful.

Did you know that the last time the Dolphins beat a team with a winning record was over a year ago.

God damn fuckin frauds.

Fraudy 9ers @ VIKERS

SPEAKING OF FRAUDS.

GET THOSE TOM BRADY COMPARISONS RIGHT THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.

Fantasy fuckery

W (2-5) Everywhere Roll Tide

L (4-3) It's a Tide Ad

Looks like someone who got absolutely fucking shatted-upon by the late DK Metcalf scratch. The fuck Pete, just tell us all he's going to be inactive so we can all fix up our rosters better. It's a Tide Ad could have easily threw in Jakobi Meyers instead and not lost out on 11 fucking points. Instead, that god damn gum chewer fucked over hundreds upon thousands of fantasy teams throughout the League-a-verse.

That said, it didn't matter (holy shit barely, though). Everywhere Roll Tide made the best of a Titans bye-week and scratched his way to a fuckin win. And if Ford can't get repaired fast enough, that Kareem Hunt will get to enjoy a lot more carries in the very near future.

I also can't believe I'm seeing a dual-threat of Broncos wide receivers on the winning team. Holy fuckin shit, I did not see that one coming at all.

W (5-2) The Koi Pond

L (2-5) The Helen Keller Exocists

Welp. Welcome back, Aaron Jones! Perhaps your most faithful follower, the Helen Keller Exorcists knew you'd return from the heavens to grace us all with your gridiron prowess.

Unfortunately, it didn't really help The Helen Keller Exorcists too much because he started Justin Fields, who has some hand injury or some shit. It's legitimately hilarious watching The Helen Keller Exorcists do their best impression of a car with three wheels brute force their way down a windy road thanks to cruise control keeping it rolling at a steady 40mph and The Club® making sure the steering wheel doesn't fucking turn at all.

The Koi Pond, a father of one, the owner of two fucking kickers and two defenses, kinda just fucking mopped the floor with Helen Keller's deaf, dumb, and blind ass. She really didn't stand a fuckin chance against the stationary pond (honestly, even in real life I think Helen Keller wouldn't survive a body of water 1on1).

Shit. The Helen Keller Exorcists' own bench beat his fuckin starting roster. Brutally.

L (2-5) The Bryce is Right

W (6-1) Australian Heath Ledgers

The Bryce was Wrong this week. Sure, we finally got to see what Jahmyr Gibbs was fucking capable of, but in the end it didn't really matter because holy shit Travis Etienne Jr. is a week-to-week fucking beast. And his beastliness is matched and then some by Dustin "not DeAndre" Hopkins. Holy fuck, this Browns kicker got 22.0 fucking points. That's fuckin wild.

And what the fuck is up with Justin Herbert? Is he not that good? Is it his stupid fucking head coach?? WHAT!?

Lots of Kudos to them Aussie Cunts for not falling for the Deshawn Watson hype and realizing that he is, in fact, a fucking bitch. Really saved your fuckin ass because Watson god damn sucked shit on Sunday, and Geno didn't [suck as much shit]. Congrats surviving a week without the incredible, CJ Stroud.

W (5-2) I'm Thinkin' RBs

L (5-2) Sunstroke Serenaders

This shit was like, 70+ points to 0.1 points for waaaaaay too long on Sunday. Yeah yeah yeah, I realize that 80% of the Sunstroke Serenaders play Sunday/Monday night, but fuck if it didn't look completely ridiculous.

I mean, it still kinda fuckin does look ridiculous at 7:18pm on Sunday. It's 74.58 to 10.7 and holy shit, the Lions really fuckin sucked ass for a D/ST with -7 points. I hope Sunstroke was able to pray to whatever higher being he believes in because he was going to need a miracle in Primetime to overcome what Llamar Jackson did to the Lions.

In case someone doesnt see where I'm going with this: That miracle did not come.

L (1-6) San Diego SaQanon Barkleys

W (5-2) The Super Wicked Problems

This was a shockingly close, bad matchup.

On one hand, we had a complete poopy performance by The Super Wicked Problems that was salvaged by outstanding performances from Jalen Hurts and Puka Nacua. No one else was able to do much of anything. And no, fuck off Dionatae, I don't care if you actually outscored your projection - in order for the narrative I'm setting to come true, I'm disregarding anything you've ever achieved.

And then on the other hand, you had the San Diego SaQanon Barkleys let down fucking hard by a Purdy terrible performance.

Like.. I know that this is not a friendly league for quarterbacks but holy shit, Brock Purdy. You seriously screwed the pooch and lost the matchup for SaQanon.

L (2-5) Neon Dion DeSantis

W (3-4) Incandescent Herschel GA Walken

Man what a bunch of fucking horseshit. Collectively fucked by Bijan Robinson and Calvin Ridley. Like. What the ever-loving fuck happened?? At least Ridley was just a bit of bad luck - he was targeted 4 times and only brought in a single reception. That shit happens. I guess the Saints had a pretty good gameplan against his ass.

But Bijan Robinson!? The fuck even happened there? Arthur Smith just kinda woke up on Sunday and decided, "let's just completely fuck Joe up his shitty-poo bum-ass" ??

WHY!? WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST MARK HIM AS INACTIVE??

Ekeler was disappointing as fuck with under 5 points, and yet I would have fucking loved to at least get that much.

Fucking sucks I couldn't take advantage of two idiot AFC West coaches not having any fucking clue how to manage their offensive stars in Ekeler and Davante Adams, but such is life in fantasy football.

Fin.

Welp. That's week seven. I got this shit done later than I wanted, and holy shit I'm sure there are a slew of typos/grammatical errors in here. Not really sure I had a chance to proof-read it at all whatsoever.

But who cares, at least there are a bunch of pretty pictures to look at. Some of them you may actually find to be humorous!

Let's get fucking excited for this final spooktacular week of October! Don't you dare fuckin forget to buy up as much candy as possible, and if you're like me and [borat voice] my wife, you'll have plenty of leftovers to regret eating while binging every single episode of The Fall of the House of Usher in one day.

Oh, we already did that last Saturday? Whoops, looks like we need to buy more candy!

Also, if costumes are your shit, don't forget about those either - otherwise you'll have to scrounge a bunch of random shit together like I did last year. Although, going as an electrician with an actual toolbelt is pretty god damn useful given the amount of pockets/pouches/etc.. it has. I could fit like, 3 handfuls of candy and 4 giant beers in there.

Anyway.. good luck everyone, unless you're playing me in which case, I hope you lose (spoiler: you won't), enjoy the return of IT'S-TOO-EARLY-FOR-FUCKING-FOOTBALL on Sunday with the debut of the Munich Games.

Take care out there, much love to all y'all.